OK. I’m an angel investor, so I can poke fun… This is just a bit of Monday morning humor for you. Don’t take this post too seriously. Not every angel investor means these things when they say these things.

But some of them do, so enjoy!

1) “I can’t explain why, but I just don’t see this taking off.”

What they really mean: “I have no idea what this startup does or how this technology works. I’m just here for the drinks.”

2) “I don’t think I have room for that in my portfolio.”

What they really mean: “I just invested in a much lamer version of this business model last month. Sh*t.”

3) “I’m fully vested right now.”

What they really mean: “I just got a divorce and/or put my fourth kid into private college and can barely make my house payment. But thanks for pitching me.”

4) “How are you ever going to get insurance for this business?”

What they really mean: “This business model totally rocks and just blew my mind, but it is way out of my league.”

5) “I’ve got to talk to my investment partner about this one. We’ll get back to you”

What they really mean: “I wouldn’t invest in this dog if it were the last startup on Earth.”

6) “I’m invested in a company just like yours. Maybe we should all get together and discuss a partnership over lunch?”

What they really mean: “Maybe the CEO of my current investment can rip off all of your ideas for the price of a sandwich.”

7) “I’d really like to write you a check for 1.55% of the company and maybe we could set up weekly review meetings?”

What they really mean: “Now that I’m retired, my wife desperately wants me out of the house at least one day a week.”

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Kraettli Lawrence Epperson

Managing Director at JumpPhase Ventures

This blog is dedicated to providing advice, tools and encouragement from one entrepreneur to another. I want to keep this practical and accessible for the new entrepreneur while also providing enough sophistication and depth to prove useful to the successful serial entrepreneur. My target rests somewhere between the garage and the board room, where the work gets done and the hockey stick emerges.

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